Holy shit, I've been trying to go out with Charlotte the Harlot and I didn't figure it out until yesterday! Serves me right for being too patient... it should have been obvious when she turned Saturday night into a watered-down version of After Hours (actually, I'm partly to blame for that, because her handbag was stolen right under my nose, but I guess it would have been like that if it was someone else instead of me).
Damn it, I should be directing porn movies instead of complaining about someone else's slutty behaviour. Not that it's my favourite genre of movies (though I watch it regularly... thank DARPA for the Internet! And let's not forget Tim Berners-Lee! I wouldn't be able to see so much porn if he hadn't invented HTML and the Hypertext Transfer Protocol!), but if a movie producer read a script written by me he wouldn't let me direct anything but smut. And I've got a lot of good ideas!
For example, my latest craze is about mixing the peplum (Roman Empire-themed movies) and jigaideki (Edo era-themed samurai movies), which might result in, well, The Seven Centurions and A Better Ides of March (this last one's a parody of a John Woo movie, though), with characters such as Decimus Primus Hasegawa, Marcus Tullius Takeda or Iulius Augustus Nobunaga, people with togae and a daisho (that's a set made of a katana and a wakizashi -a japanese short sword-) and samurais (clad in samurai armor) armed with a pilum, a gladius and a square shield (in turtle formation!). The goths and other foreigners would be "foreign devils" instead of "barbarians". And the apparition of a galley or quinquereme called Yamato would be mandatory! Centurions with freaking lasers on their helmets!!!
I've been discussing this topic over IM with a friend of mine (Ryoru, the guest writer for this blog, if he ever decides to write something here, which I suppose he'll eventually do) and he came up with some great ideas, such as japanese-style gladius duels in the Arena (that is, both opponents stare at each other for a long time while preparing to draw their short swords out and everything is decided with a single slash), and a lot of ideas for a script which could be entitled The Ides of Kagemaru, but that's another story...
Three banzai for the Republic!
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