Tuesday, 30 January 2007

FRIST PSOT!!! - "Buy Me a Drink" Extended

For just one dollar and fifty cents, come inside and see the midgets and other freaks of nature!

Since this is the first entry in my blog, I'd like to point out that the title I had originally intended for it was "Bukkake-dono's Castle", but since I can't remember well the Terms of Service I decided otherwise. Just in case, mind you. Because Google is a North American company, after all, and in that country movie and video-game violence are acceptable - but not sex (yeah, I know, I'm stereotyping), whereas in Germany such a degree of violence wouldn't be acceptable -indeed, many games there are verboten or heavily censored- but you can get videos of tramps pissing on each other! I live in Spain, country of freedom, where I can get all the violence and pornography I want (except for guns, but I don't need REAL violence).

Hell, I was going to talk about why I didn't choose "Bukkake-dono's Castle" and I already pulled out watersports for no reason at all! I'm digressing, so I'll get on with the original topic...

"Buy Me a Drink" - EXTENDED! (A sad, sad rant by Mr. Daniels, with text ripped off from his post in the Battlelore forums)

This is an extended version of one of my rants posted on the Battlelore forums. The topic was a "what made your day" (in a Dirty Harry sort of way) one, and what buggered me was MSSQL 2005, Visual Studio 2005, some attitudes, and...

And people using me as a shield of sorts... do I have 'SPQR' or something like that written across my chest? The only man who did it (a friend of mine who, when confronted with an obnoxious junkie, resorted to "if you don't fuck off this big guy here will break your knees") was warned about it by me and never, ever did that again. The rest are invariably women, and it's always about scrawny assholes who don't understand "fuck off" unless you say it literally. They go and say "this is my boyfriend" (this happened AGAIN last Friday), and the scrawny guy -who sometimes happens to be the guy with whom the girl was making out last weekend, or for the last two months, and I don't think those poor idiots deserve that kind of treatment- looks like he just saw a ghost or something, and says he's gotta go somewhere else. I swear that one of these days I'll say "clean your own mess" instead of playing along the routine, no matter how bad will that make me look, because I'm tired of it happening again and again.

Another classic is "buy me a drink" (with our without "would you...", etc.); this happens as often as the previous one. This one grinds my gears even more, because it is only done by girls I'm interested in when they want to make a fool out of me (has happened several times in the past, and I have fallen for it a few times). Like, hell, I think with my dick and a nice face and a pair of boobs are going to turn me into an ATM. This kind of behaviour repeated over time has finally resulted in this:

-"Don Corleone! Buy me a drink!" (And she asks with no modal verbs... I mean, with no respect!)
-"That, I cannot do."

That's the exact conversation. Except for the "Don Corleone!" bit, because that's not my name.

But other than that, no "Hello", no "How are you?", not even "Hi". What the hell of a greeting is that? One that doesn't end with a preposition? Just imagine it, you see someone for the first time in the whole night and you hear "Buy me a drink". It's fucking ludicrous, and not even in a funny way (e.g.: saying "Comrade Chairman Stalin said that you must buy me a drink!" with one of those furry russian hats on, or something as silly as that). In this day and age, where have good manners gone? One thing is asking for an intelligent -or coherent- conversation at 4 am (at that time, and even at an earlier one, there's a mental wasteland out there!), and other is asking for some damn common courtesy, but I guess not being drunk kind of helps with not treating others like assholes. I drink. More than I should. But at least I behave properly.

Which reminds me of "I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing", which is a very stupid excuse for anything, or claiming that you are drunk beforehand so that you get carte blanche for anything. Come on, everyone gets so hammered that they can't remember what they did, but a couple of times in several years, not every fucking weekend. Only hardcore alcoholics do that, and though this is Galicia, I don't think there are so many.

To end this in a lighter note, I'll tell about a really cool idea I had last week when going out with my best friend:

"-Hey, man, wouldn't it be cool to go around naked, or with diapers only, in one of those battery-operated wheelchairs some cool cripples have? The ones you sit in, not the ones you stand up in... I think there was a midget girl in my class who had one of those, you know. Oh! And the wheelchair would have three food hoses, like Governor Phatt's bed from Monkey Island 2, and a steam hose for bathing.
-What about a water hose?
-Yeah, right! A warm water hose to spray the ladies so that their clothes will stick to their bodies... hehehe..."

Meditate about that, and may the war god of your choice give you strength!