Monday, 9 July 2007

Manga for dumbasses!

This is a small rant (although the way I write rants, it won't be small by the time I am finished) about the latest manga series written specifically for dumbasses. There are many that fall in that category, but this one reeks like a stiff that has been in a bathtub for two weeks. I'm talking about Death Note. Hopefully, this will prevent someone from buying (or even reading) this piece of shit, which is on par with the Bible regarding the amount of bullshit in it.

Now, before anyone comes up with "don't talk about things you don't know", I have read Death Note (hey, I didn't have to pay for reading it, after all) and a large part of the Bible (which is a nice book if you take it as what it is: the kind of pulp fiction -rape, prostitution, drunken incest, slavery, treachery, bloodthirsty bastards and much more!- Machiavelli and Marquis de Sade would have written if they had lived in the 1960s).

The manga series begins nicely, with an apparently good premise: a megalomaniacal high school student (Raito Yagami) finds a notebook that allows to kill anyone whose name and face he knows by writing that person's name on the notebook, and decides that from that moment onwards he'll make sure justice will be served. After a few criminal-killing sprees, a top-notch detective known as "L" begins tracking him, and that's when everything turns into a pile of tripe.

Eventually "L" figures out who's the killer (via reasonings he pulls out of his ass, based on clues he pulls out of his ass) and ends up handcuffed 24/7 to Raito (because there are no proofs of him being the killer, and the modus operandi is still unknown). "L" reasons that there's a 97% (or something like that) chance that Raito is not the killer, but since it's not 100% he must monitor him around the clock (what the hell, he might believe in God, Santa Claus and the American Way of Life as well!).

The rest of the plot revolves around such astounding reasoning, and is sprinkled with plot twists like "Ha! I KNEW you'd do that, so I did this in advance, and I won't explain the specifics because the readers are a bunch of dumbasses and wouldn't understand anyway, so why bother...", and eventually (in the middle of the series) "L" gets killed by Raito thanks to the silliness of some other character, which is a good thing, because the way "L" sat, his back pains would have killed him eventually. Hey, maybe I gutted the goo... less bad part of the story, but I also saved you a lot of money and time. You're welcome.

After "L" dies, he is replaced by two emo kids whose names I can't remember, not that it matters. The plot twists and insults to the reader's intelligence increase manifold, and the stupidity of Raito's underlings becomes a major theme in the second half of the series. The most emo kid gets killed, and Raito's death follows shortly thereafter thanks to his most important puppet's stupidity. The end of the story is some weird and nonsensical scene about a cult dedicated to Raito's alias (Kira).

Man, if I had paid to read this, I might have paid to get fucked up the ass... if anyone who reads this ends up reading Death Note and complains, don't say I didn't warn.